I don't know about you but I love to starfish in my double bed. Anyone not familiar with the term starfishing, it's when you are in the middle of your bed and all four of your limbs are stretched out towards all four corners of the bed. It is a lovely feeling.
Last year, I went to visit my brother in Vienna and I stayed at a sort of B&B, and he booked a single room for me, with a single bed. The bed was pushed against the wall. I had not slept in a single bed in some time. Well, let me put it this way, I had no space in the bed. My knees were all bruised and I almost fell out of bed, three times in the span of a week.
But this blog post is not about sleeping positions as such but about relationship status and why I choose to remain single and childless.
I was married for 6 years and been in a relationship with my ex-husband for 7 and a half years. I think we got married a bit too young, and he also was my first boyfriend, so I didn't really know how to act in a relationship and made many mistakes. As did he. Like most marriages and relationships we had our ups and downs.
Every love story has to have an ending, ours didn't have a happy ending. So three years ago, we both decided to call it quits. I packed up my meagre belongings and about 4 large heavy boxes of books and moved into a shared house.
First few months were really hard. I have no family in the UK so it was just me, although I did have a few supportive friends and family. But it was still strange at night when I used to roll over and one side of the bed was empty. Yes, for months I slept still on my side of the bed. But then, slowly I started moving slower and slower to the middle of the bed and stretching out starfish style. Now, I complain to my housemate that my double bed (European size, courtesy of Ikea) is too small and I need a kingsize one. He still refuses to buy me a new one. (he is also my landlord)
Fast forward 3 years and 2 months since I left my husband and I am still single. At first, I missed being part of a couple, doing things together, going out, and just having someone to cuddle and be silly with. The first few times I went out to restaurants and cinema by myself and asked for one ticket or a single table, I used to get the look. You know which one I mean, the pity-eyed, "I am so sorry" look. It used to really annoy me. Now I don't really care anymore.
In those three years, my housemate and I became really good friends, so we started doing things together, going out, going for walks, to the cinema, on holiday because it is so much cheaper than travelling alone. So, the companionship of a relationship was sorted. Woho!
Now we get to the well-meaning friends and family members, with their constant questions of why don't you start dating? Why don't you go out to dance lessons to meet people? Why don't you start going to clubs? Or when a new baby is born within the family or my friends get pregnant, we have the "Now it's your turn" malarkey.
Let's break them down one by one, shall we?
1. Why don't I start dating? i.e. download dating apps, meet new people, etc.
Because I don't really want to. I am so used to being by myself and doing whatever I want whenever I want. No compromises. Did I download dating apps and register a few times? Yes. Did it last long? Nope.
I tried Bumble but didn't get along with it very well. Then I downloaded and created an account with OkCupid, but it was a bit silly as you couldn't see who liked your pictures unless you paid. Had at least 3 likes in the first 15 minutes, couldn't see who the guys were, got annoyed, deleted it.
The latest attempt was three days ago with an app called Hinge. Now, this one I liked more than the other two I tried. Again, you could only see one like at a time, otherwise, you needed to pay, but at least you could see something. Some handsome and interesting chaps. This app managed to stay on my phone for at least 8 hours. I got about 16 interested guys. Not messaged any of them. Ended deleting the app. Did I get an ego boost? Obviously. Why did I delete it even though some of them seemed promising? Because it's terribly like online shopping. You look at someone, look at some of the things they say they want in life, and you contact them or move on. It's terribly superficial and you might miss out on someone really interesting.
I do meet new people on a regular basis. I work in a library at a university, you are bound to meet people. I have actually met someone a while ago. It all started with a look over the lending desk and a smile. He made it a point to always talk to me and asked a lot of questions. Tall, dark and handsome. So not my type. And he had a beard. But I rolled with it. I found him interesting and appealing, and also impressive. So, I asked him out and got turned down flat. I guess I found him more interesting than he did me. Which is fine. Swipe left. Or was it right?! Anyway, next!
2. Why don't you go out to dance lessons to meet people?
Because I am bad at dancing. Or better said I cannot by the life of me let men lead. And generally, I get so stiff and rigid if a man I do not know takes me in his arms to dance, that it must feel like they are dancing with a wooden puppet. A few years ago, I spent 6 wonderful weeks in Copenhagen, and one of my fellow interns, Salma, asked me if I would join her for a dancing lesson in the student quarters. I foolishly agreed. It was the most agonizing time of my life. I was stiff and rigid and I think the men I danced with that night were absolutely happy when they needed to move on to another girl. Sorry guys! But I enjoyed trying out something new, but not going to happen again. Saying that we did go to a Gatsby party a day before my placement ended. But we didn't dance with any boys, it was a girls night only.
3. Why don't you go to clubs?
Because I used to do that in my 20s in my university years. Now I rather stay home, curled up in bed reading a book or watching a movie. Even in my 20s when I used to go clubbing with the girls, any guy that came anywhere near me would get my bitch stare, so they would back away quickly. Is there any wonder I am single?!
4. Now it's your turn to have a baby
Actually it's not. Just because I have a pair of ovaries, doesn't mean I want to be a mother. Some women desire to be mothers, others become by mistake and are wonderful mothers, others are just plain bad. But just because I am a woman, doesn't give anyone the right to tell me when it's time or not to have a baby. Having a baby is a very personal choice, and mine is to not have children. I am not a fan of children but I do my best whenever I am around them, and oddly enough, they like me. It is strange I know.
In a nutshell, I am not the marrying type. The one thing I enjoy most is my freedom, and while I do adore my nephews and nieces and even random good behaved children, I am just not the type to be a mother. Will I regret it? I doubt it. And if I ever will, there are so many children in orphanages and in foster care that I would rather adopt than have my own. Angelina Jolie style. Why not?!
In conclusion, live and let live, everyone's path in life is different, all that matters is that people are happy in their chosen paths.
Also, if anyone knows this guy personally, if he needs any introduction, it's the very handsome and talented Mr Jeremy Renner, I am more than interested in getting to know him, as he is the man.
P.S. I totally didn't create this collage, it was Google Pics!
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